Spring is in the air, and where I’m living, the days are getting longer and flowers are beginning to bloom! While it’s great to know that warmer days are upon us, I’m also reminded that the first quarter of the year is wrapping up quickly.
Its at this time that the goals we set at the beginning of the year can begin to fade into the background, and that pesky feeling of self-doubt can set in.
Have you ever struggled with self-doubt?
Today I’m talking to Lindsay Johnson—AKA The Radical Connector—a marketing and sales nerd who’s got one or two things to say about that annoying voice inside your head that holds you back and keeps you playing small.
Lindsay Johnson has spent the last 18 years teaching newbie entrepreneurs how to get customers and make money quickly and easily. She’s the creator of the Easier Entrepreneurship System and Irresistible Entrepreneurs Academy, which helps take her students from the idea stage to their first 100k year.
Lindsay tells us how self-doubt manifests in our lives, how it holds us back from going after what we want, and most importantly, the 4 practical steps to ditching that self-doubt so we can have the confidence to take action and achieve all those big dreams!
In our discussion, I ask Lindsay:
- How do you see self-doubt manifesting in the clients you work with?
- Does everyone experience self-doubt at one time or another?
- Is self-doubt something we can truly banish from our lives, or is it more a matter of dealing with it proactively when it comes up so that it doesn’t hold us back from achieving our goals?
- With 2020 being such a challenging year for many, have you noticed an increase in self-doubt that has manifested as a reluctance to set big goals for this year?
- How can we use last year’s challenges to propel us forward rather than hold us back?
- What are your 4 Steps to Ditch Self-Doubt?
If you’ve struggled with self-doubt in the past (who hasn’t?), you’ll definitely relate to and find benefit from this video. So Let’s dive in!
Rachel: Hello, Lindsay, thank you so much for joining me on my channel today. I feel like this was a long time coming. We’ve been talking about this for a while, thanks so much for joining me to talk about self doubt, something I’m sure we can all relate to. I certainly can. So before we dive into things, just give us a little bit of who you are and what you do.
Lindsay: Hi everybody. My name is Lindsay Johnson, AKA the Radical Connector. I work with new entrepreneurs, people from the idea stage to maybe five years in business who are working their butts off and not making money and don’t know why. I swoop in with the strategies and the systems and get them going so they can start making money. That’s me.
Rachel: Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. Okay. So let’s just dive into the topic of self-doubt. Like I said, I’m sure everyone watching this can relate and has experienced this at some point in their life. You work with business owners all the time. So can you tell me how you’ve seen self-doubt manifest in some of the people that you work with?
Lindsay: So I would say that the number one way that I see it manifesting is entrepreneurs not showing up online, not showing up in content, not showing up on YouTube, like not volunteering to speak. They hold themselves back a lot from putting their own brilliance and their own work out into the world because they think it’s not good enough. They think other people are already doing it. There’s no space for them to be in the same area, there’s a lot of perfectionism attached to self-doubt . “I can’t show people that I’m not perfect.” So definitely, definitely number one is just not putting themselves out there and not showing up in a bigger way.
Rachel: Yeah. I think I can totally relate to every single thing that you just said. I really have to force myself to get out there. I feel like I’m conquering it a little bit because I am here showing up, but everything you just said, like super super resonates with me. Here’s a question. Do you think that everybody experiences self-doubt, are there some weirdos out there that are just brimming with confidence? Because I used to think that I used to see people at the top of their game and some people just seem like they are oozing with confidence all the time and I just kinda thought, well, I’m not that person. I can never be that person. Yeah, so I guess I’m just wondering is that all an illusion, like, are people like that? Are they capable of self doubt or are they just somehow – this just doesn’t apply to them.
Lindsay: I almost wanted to complete your sentence and say, are they just tricking us? You know? I mean, I definitely think there are people who don’t experience these things. There are people who have conditions that don’t allow them to experience empathy or self doubt or have delusions of grandeur, these are things. But I think that outside of it being an actual chemical thing, I think that everyone experiences self-doubt. But I also don’t think that self-doubt negates confidence or that confidence negates self-doubt, I think that they can coexist. One of the things that I think really sets new entrepreneurs up or really anybody up for this internalized sense of failure is the concept of fake it till you make it because instead of getting real and learning what you have to learn or figuring things out, or even trying something or risking being vulnerable, to make a mistake, to put yourself out there, instead, everybody walks around with this bravado and this fakeness.
Lindsay: And what happens is, it stops you. First of all, you know you’re faking it. And so that’s going to eat away at you, because every time you’re in a room, every time you’re on stage, every time you’re in a Clubhouse talking, you’re going to the back of your mind go, “but I’m just faking it.” And that’s going to trigger that imposter syndrome and that’s going to keep you not talking. Also, I think it really disconnects you from connecting authentically to your audience, to your peers, to your friends, because once you start lying, faking, you have to continue to. It’s so much more empowering to embrace that you’re not where you want to be yet, but you’re working on it and your confidence can come from your capacity to learn and your capacity to grow and your capacity to get there.
Rachel: I almost feel like we’re in a private coaching session right now. Everything that you just said is just so on point to even what I’m going through at times right now, like it’s just so liberating for me to say to myself, okay, this is where you are. You don’t have to be here yet. And you don’t have to pretend that you’re here yet. And people will accept you knowing that you’re not here yet. So yeah, everything you just said, I totally relate to that on a very, very personal level.
Lindsay: And I want to add onto that. What you just said, people will accept you. If you are in the right circles for you, people will welcome you and you in. And if you’re in circles where people are belittling you or making you feel small, because you’re not there yet, you need to find better circles. You need to tell the haters they got to go!
Rachel: So another question here, do you think there’s ever a point where you can truly banish self-doubt from your life? Like if this is something that is worked on continually over time, is there this destination that one can arrive at where self-doubt no longer exists or is this more like one of those things that we just learn to manage, so it just becomes easier and easier and easier to cope with those feelings when they come up. And we just know that they will come up from time to time indefinitely, but it’s a lot less extreme or severe because we feel like here it is again, here’s that self-doubt, this is how I manage it. And so it just makes it so much more easy.
Lindsay: So I feel like you already just answered the question, right?
Rachel: Yeah. I think you’re probably right.
Lindsay: You just answered it. And I think the way that you answered it was you just answered it within your own belief paradigm with your own belief system. And remember, we talked about confidence being about trusting in your capacity to learn things and to figure things out and to persevere. That’s your paradigm. So of course for you, this is something that you will get better at managing, at mitigating and overcoming and not listening to. But I think the deeper question here is that I don’t think we want self-doubt to disappear. I think that it’s really important for our growth. I think that if we’re experiencing self doubt, that’s an opportunity to ask yourself, well do I have all the information? Is there more here to learn? Or even deeper – Where is this pointing to, maybe a subconscious belief I wasn’t aware was there until this triggered it. And this is an opportunity now to work on this. And that to me is another level of confidence, another layer of confidence, when we can go, Oh, this isn’t that I’m not good. This is that this is bringing up some old stuff. And I’m going to go ahead and maybe journal on this or maybe talk to my therapist or talk it out with my best friend and just work through some of this.
Rachel: That’s a much more empowering way to look at something that usually tends to hold us back.
Lindsay: A large part of why I do what I do is really about using entrepreneurship as that vehicle for radical self-acceptance because as entrepreneurs you’re constantly putting yourself out there, you are constantly being triggered by things, and it gives you an opportunity to look at those things over time. Maybe not all at once, but over time and being able to start to shed away the weight, the expectations, the traumas, it just lets you start to shed that stuff away and begin to really accept yourself. And so again, does self doubt ever go away? Well probably not because as humans we’re constantly peeling away the layers of ourselves and our own inner work and our own inner life. And so, I embrace it as an opportunity to grow as a person.
Rachel: Wonderful. Love that. Alright, so I just want to briefly touch on 2020, which I know we’re all sick to death of hearing about, but I think this is kind of important. It was a tough year for a lot of people. A lot of people had goals totally derailed. And I think that, obviously can result in a lot of self doubt, and knocking people’s confidence. So we’re just out of January now, beginning of February, so we’re still kind of in that goal setting season, and I want to know if the people that you’ve worked with or that you currently work with, have you seen the effects of 2020 and the knock on effects with confidence and self doubt? Have you found that has negatively impacted how people have decided to set goals for 2021? Like, are people playing a bit more small? Are they being a little bit more reserved because they’re not as confident maybe as they were beforehand? And if that is the case, is there a way to kind draw on those challenges that we all experienced in 2020 to instead propel us forward this year, rather than have them hold us back and keep us playing small?
Lindsay: So many great points in that question that you just made. The use of the word negative is an interesting dynamic to bring to this conversation because I think that people definitely saw their goals derailed, but people also made new goals. Right? I think there’s a lot of people that saw, especially for those that were able to pivot and adapt and get online, they were able to see a different possibility for their business and a different level of growth that was possible. And so I think that their goals changed; a lot of people’s businesses changed and heading into this year a lot of people are reporting that they feel like they’re starting a new business. They’re having to learn how to build differently and set different expectations as well. And so, because of that I would say that goal setting is down.
I think that people are still very much in 2020. I think that it’s just a continuation of the year, energetically, mentally, emotionally. And I think that people are still catching up and I don’t know that they’re setting more cautious goals, I think there’s a lot more of just recalibrating and changing expectations and what their business looks like. And they’re still very much, at least the people that I’m working with, are still very much in that space of still adapting and seeing what’s possible and setting different kinds of goals. The other thing too, is that, again, it depends on who you talk to because there’s people who are so fired up because they’ve just got this whole new vision, its so fresh and they’re just going for it. And there’s other people who the year kind of kicked their butt and they’re like, I’m just going gentle on myself this year. I’m setting goals, but they’re much gentler, they’re much softer, they’re not as ambitious, especially with people with kids at home. Do you know? There’s a lot more gentleness in the goal setting, so I think it’s changed. I don’t think it’s negative, but I think it’s definitely changed.
Rachel: I want to get to some practical ways that we can all use to manage our self doubt. So you’ve got this great video on your YouTube channel, which I absolutely loved, The Four Steps to Ditch Self Doubt. So I’m hoping that you can just go over those four steps with us here today and give us something practical to take away.
Lindsay: I love tangible things. So if you want to watch my video, you can actually go and watch that, but I’ll give you the Coles notes right now. So the first step to really overcoming self-doubt is to just recognize your signs, because I think we’ve been so conditioned to fake it till we make it we’ve stopped recognizing our own signs of self doubt. So what’s going on for you? One of the things that I do when I’m in self doubt is what I call Netflix and Avoid, like I’ll just watch TV and not put myself out there and ruminate on things and then I’ll maybe beat myself up for not doing it. And so that’s one of my signs. I know, when I’m disengaging from creating social content or disengaging from putting myself out there, that’s a big sign that I’m in a place of imposter syndrome or self doubt. For other people, they might become overly aggressive and they might really kind of fake it and be out there. But because there’s that disconnect there, the overcompensating. So just really knowing for you, what are the signs? Am I not speaking up as much? Am I tripping on my words when I’m talking? Like what is going on for you that shows you that you’re in a place of doubting yourself in this moment, right?
Rachel: Yeah. One of the things you mentioned as one of the signs was comparison syndrome, and that is something that I resonate with so much. It’s just so easy to look out there and see what other people are doing. There’s just so much good stuff out there. And yeah, I think perfectionism really ties in well with that too. One of the things, especially in this online space is I sometimes I get fixated on my age. I’m over 40 now, and there’s so many people in this online space that all seem to be 30 or under 30 or 20, or I swear to God, they’re like 10 years old now. And so getting into this at a later stage, and 40 is not old by any stretch, but sometimes I compare myself like, wow, look, this person is 25 and they’re doing something similar and they’ve been kicking butt for five years already. So I definitely allow myself to get dragged into that sometimes.
Rachel: And Yes, what you’re just talking about, the stumbling over your words and having trouble getting something out, I think as an introvert that really resonates with me. I think a lot of time speaking doesn’t necessarily come naturally to introverts, there’s a lot of sort of filtering and processing that happens before it actually leaves our lips. So in a space where there are a lot of extroverts that are kind of really out there and a bit more on the gregarious side, I think that can sometimes cause introverts to feel like shrinking back from that. And myself, I ended up feeling inarticulate. I guess that feeds back into the loop of comparison – now I’m comparing myself to somebody else and I’ve never really considered that those are all signs of of self-doubt. So that was really helpful to have you frame it that way.
Lindsay: And I think self doubt and impostor syndrome are really interchangeable. And comparison is a trigger for most people in that, because why would you be doubting yourself if you didn’t think that you weren’t as good as someone else? Being in the social media world, I mean, it’s constant. And I think back to my point about that radical self-acceptance, if we can radically accept that I’m introverted and I don’t have the same gregariousness or I don’t have the same energy output or I don’t have the same things as this person. I don’t beat myself up because of that, or think that I have to pretend to be that. I accept that this is me and this is how I talk. And this is my energy and this is how I show up. And the more that you accept that, what happens is you stop fighting yourself. And when you stop fighting yourself, all of a sudden you have a lot more energy.
Rachel: Now, like I said, I’m in my forties now. I’m just now learning all this. And let me tell you, it is liberating to know that this is me. I don’t need to pretend to be somebody else. This is me. I’m enough.
Lindsay: It is. It’s like that’s a sign. Am I fighting myself right now? Am I fighting what feels good? Am I fighting my true nature? Am I trying to be something I’m not, because I think I have to?
Rachel: Because that really, really is draining for sure.
Lindsay: And it affects everything. It affects everything, your creativity, everything, what you just said too about feeling, was it inadequate that you said?
Rachel: I think that all ties in, right? I mean the comparison, it’s all interconnected.
Lindsay: Well and that literally leads into step two, which is recognize what you’re feeling and connect to the feeling. If I find if I’m chilling out with Netflix and not doing my work because I’m feeling imposter syndrome or self doubt, I need to connect to what’s going on so I can root it out. Is it inadequate? Is it not capable? Is it embarrassed things aren’t perfect. Do you feel exposed? Do you feel vulnerable, really connecting to what you’re feeling? And this is a funny thing, because I noticed this really weird trend where people will say, I feel like I could be working harder. Like you can be working harder isn’t a feeling, right. I feel lazy. Maybe that’s what you’re feeling. Or I feel like all these younguns are really nailing this technology and I don’t get it. Feeling like younguns nailing technology, that’s not a feeling, but feeling dumb – maybe you feel dumb. That’s a thing for me. I used to always feel so dumb and I’d get so frustrated at myself for feeling so dumb. I mean that comes from somewhere that I had to work on. But really connecting to the feeling and not being afraid to name it, because what happens is we push these feelings down. We push the truth of where we’re at in that moment down. And it comes out in nasty ways. And it affects us in our business. It affects us in our relationships. It affects our health. But if you just claim it, if you just own it, it almost immediately neutralizes what the feeling is. If you just say it. Because if I say, Oh, you’re so dumb, Lindsay, well, I’m actually not. And where did that come from? That voice can just go away because I’m not dumb. You’re so lazy. I’m really not, I work hard. So it just gives you a chance to just verbalize it, neutralize it and hopefully track where it originally came from, who originally told you that. And you can just tell that person to go sit on the shelf cause you got an empire to build.
Rachel: So I just want to get clarity here. So number one was recognize the signs, number two was acknowledge what you’re feeling. And then what’s number three?
Lindsay: Support. Get support. Like I just said, Hey, do you need to book a session with your therapist? If it’s something really deep, do you need to just call one of your friends and be like, alright, talk me down from the ledge. Do you have a community that you belong to, that you can go there and maybe it’s that you need help figuring out a piece of tech and you can just get the solution and then boom, you’re done. Right? So get the support that you need to move you through this point, whether it’s emotional or technical, you know what I mean? You need a big hug, whatever it is, get support.
Rachel: Yeah. Super important. I think so often when things are coming up for ourselves, we just tell ourselves, Oh, I’ll be fine. And then we just kind of carry on to what we’re going to get to in a minute with the fourth step, without addressing the, actually I’m not fine. I think I need some help here. So that’s super important
Lindsay: With what’s going on in the world right now, like we’re not fine. Okay. I think if 2020 taught us anything, it’s that we’re not fine.
Lindsay: It’s just so much faster if you just deal with it, if you just speak it and you get some support and you just deal with it, it’s just so much faster. And then that leads us to number four, which is again, action. So once you are figuring out what’s going on, what you’re feeling, you’ve been able to talk it out, get into action because your confidence really comes from being in the magic of what you do, of reconnecting to how damn good you are at what you do. And so get in there, get into action, make something magical happen in your business, in your life, in whatever. And it will get you to, “I got this. I’m good.”
Rachel: One of the things that you talked about in your video with this stay in action point, you talked about mistakes and I loved what you said. You said mistakes are proof that you were coming out of your comfort zone and leveling up in your business. And I think this is so, so important. And one of the biggest keys to staying in action is to just accept and even welcome those mistakes. Because I think that’s a big part of why we don’t stay in action so often is because we are terrified of making any mistakes, right? Like we are just constantly thinking if it’s not perfect, then it’s garbage. And for me, I know once I just accepted mistakes are part of the process then you can anticipate them, and you welcome them. And that each mistake is actually leading you to something, to whatever it is that you’re going for. So I didn’t want to leave that out because I think that was just such a huge, huge part of that staying in action step.
Lindsay: It is. I love this quote from adventure time, the cartoon, and it’s like, “dude, sucking at something is the first step to getting kind of good at something”. We all start off sucking. Nobody is good. The difference between the 20 year olds and you is that they’ve been living at home and have had lots of time and someone to pay their bills. Well, they get to figure it all out while we’re figuring it out in tiny increments while also raising kids and working jobs and building businesses. So like we all started in the same place, but everyone has different time capacities to give to things and different skillsets to apply. We can not compare ourselves to other people. We just have to go, what do I want? What is stopping me from going forward,? Get the support there and then just embrace sucking because you’re going to get better if you stick with it.
Rachel: Amazing. Thank you. So I want to leave it there on that positive note. Thanks so much for taking the time to speak with us today. It was super valuable. And I know everyone watching is going to get a ton of value out of it. But before we go, please tell everyone watching where they can go to find out more about you and what you’re doing and all the greatness that you’ve got on offer right now.
Lindsay: Absolutely. Come to my website, the radicalconnector.com, you can also check me out on YouTube, the Radical Connector, and if you are new in business and you in particular, feel uncomfortable with selling, when you go to my YouTube channel or to my website, you will get prompted to get my free guide – How Not to Sell to Strangers Guide. Five Steps to Turning Strangers into Customers Online Without Selling. So I’m all about selling without selling. So if that’s you come hang out.
Rachel: Awesome. I will leave all those links in the description below. Once again, thank you so much, Lindsay. I’ll definitely be talking to you soon and thank you everyone. Take care everyone. Bye. Bye.Rachel: 24:22 Check out these videos next for some more on mindset, motivation and performance. And if you liked this video, don’t forget to hit the like button, subscribe and share this video with your friends. Thanks for watching.
LINKS DISCUSSED:
Lindsay’s 4 Steps to Ditch Self-Doubt YouTube video
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